Mother's Day

Mother's Day was extra special this year because I got to talk to my son Austin on the phone, who is serving an LDS mission in New Zealand.

I find myself replaying the conversation over and over in my mind. I find it incredible how as a parent we are able to know the needs of our children, sometimes in ways we don't even fully understand. This last week I had a remarkable spiritual discovery that, in and of itself, was really quite simple. But as I look at it now, I recognize it is quite remarkable because as I was able to share what I learned with my son, I found that it was what he was searching for and I feel that my spiritual discovery was really a part of an answer to my son's searching and I was just fortunate to be a part of the process.

This last week I found myself really focusing on how Christ reacted to people who were choosing to act against his teachings. This all was motivated by a post on a discussion group that I had responded to and I was a little nervous if I had responded appropriately to the delicate topic. One day while I was gardening, I began to think of how Christ handled the situations; like when the scribes and the Pharisees brought the woman who "was taken in adultery" unto him wishing to stone her. It was interesting as this situation played out in my mind that I realized that Christ did not condemn, ridicule, or even really demean any of the individuals involved. Instead he simply stated,
“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
We know the outcome of this story. The men were "convicted by their own consciences" realized that they too were sinful people, and that they had no right to judge let alone stone her and each of them went away leaving Jesus alone with the woman. Then Jesus asked
"Woman where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?
She said "No man Lord"
and he replied, "Neither do I condemn thee, now go and sin no more."
Most of the time I have focused on the compassion he showed the woman, but this was the first time that I noticed that he also showed great compassion even for those that were showing great insensitivity towards her, the accusers. What I found interesting was that he did not convince them of how they needed to act, he did not even directly tell them, or give some great lecture on how they needed to treat others, he actually allowed them to discover it through their own conscience. I started thinking about how I could apply these principles to my parenting and recognized the stark contrast of many of my parenting experiences. I also have been studying a section in the Book of Mormon in 1st Nephi how Lehi approaches his children after he had his vision and at the end of chapter 8. This is where he talks about the tenderness in which he taught them and then how he prophesied and then he spoke no more. I believe this is when he left it to their consciences and the spirit, for each individual to choose for themselves what to do with the information they had been given. I recognized that he taught with great love and great tenderness, much like the Saviour himself. Once again, not with condemnation. I kept reflecting on my parenting style and continued to think about how I could apply these principles to parenting and then I found myself thinking about how ideal these same principles would be for missionary work.

What amazed me was how all week I kept focusing on these principles and then, as my son began to share with me some of the challenges he is facing in his present area, I knew why I had been thinking so much about these things and knew that I needed to share with him what I had been thinking about over the past week.
When I did, my son became overcome with great emotion, he thanked me and said,
"Mom, you just don't know how much what you have shared has helped me. I am going to really focus my personal study time on the process of Christs Teaching. I realize that I am too eager to just change people, instead of having that tenderness towards them and I never really thought about how Christ taught through discovery. I know too many times I just want to change what people are doing and think I can just convince them with my words. "
He had also shared a wonderful experience earlier in our conversation and as we continued our discussion, we realized it illustrates this point perfectly.

He and his companion decided to stop and visit with a family that they had been working with. The wife has been a member of the church in the past but is facing some unique challenges at this time, and the husband is not a member. He has been polite when the missionaries come over, but made it very clear that he was not in any way interested in anything pertaining to the missionary visits. They were in the middle of discussing how things were going with the wife when the husband walked into the room and asked,
"Why is it that Mormons marry Mormons?"
My son began to explain all of the logical reasons for members marrying members. The husband just sort of looked blankly as my son continued to explain himself. Then my sons companion stopped him and said,
"Wait a minute I have something to show you. Elder Smith, you stand over there and I will stand over here."
He is limited in his English and at first my son was thinking uh oh what is he up to. He then said,
"You two stand in the middle and when I ask a question, if the answer is yes stand by Elder Smith. That represents good. And if the answer is no stand by me. That represents bad."
He then asked several questions: Did you read your scriptures this week? Did you say your prayers this week? Did you go to church this week? With each question the couple separated and before the next question was asked, they rejoined in the middle. Without any further explanation the husband said,
"Stop, I don't want to be over here. I want to be over there with my wife. I
don't want my family to be divided."
There was no additional explanation needed. This was learning by discovery. Before they left, they were able to get to know more about him. They also learned that he had been taught the missionary discussions years ago before he was even married, by a senior couple. He had felt the spirit leave when they were transferred and hadn't felt it since. He expressed how much he wanted to have the gospel in his life and to share it as a family, and that he wanted them to return the next day to teach them all. They have been back 3 times this week and are continuing to teach this family. Oh, I am thankful for his wonderful companion and how he was able to teach this principle. I wonder if he had seen this done before or if he was simply prompted by the spirit.

It was wonderful to talk to my son, wonderful to hear how he has grown. It amazes me to hear the growth he has encountered in just 7 months. It was tough saying goodbye knowing I wouldn't talk to him again until Christmas. As I did I just simply said,
" Make the most of this time and it will make the most of you."
I sincerely hope that he does. I know without a doubt that the Lord can do more with any of us than we can do on our own, if only we allow him the opportunity to guide us in that process. I truly felt guided this week and am grateful that even thousands of miles away I could still be given an opportunity to help my son.