Life is beautiful

There are so many powerful lessons to be learned in living life. I find myself on what I perceive to be the other side of a life lesson today. I recognize that if I would have been told when this lesson began, how long it would take for me to get to where I am today, I may have given up and felt as though I would have never had the strength to take the journey.

There is a part of me that wants to go back to my journals and share some of the darkness I felt so that others may clearly understand from where I have come, and yet I find I even I am afraid of even seeing into that abyss.

I remember the days of thinking if only there was someone that I could talk to, someone that has at least gone through similar challenges and endured, overcome, triumphed; perhaps that would be enough to motivate me to move forward.

There is a huge piece of me that is fearful of even recording these thoughts, because many times I thought I had found the bottom of the dark void, only to find I could fall even deeper. But there is something different about today, there is not only an ability to find a renewed strength in myself but an earnest desire to strengthen others, and that makes all the difference.

I also recognize that where I have been does not matter, what put me there does not matter. The only thing that really matters is the truths that I have gleaned from this journey. I would love to have an opportunity to help bring light others, that may find them selves in the dark abyss, but I would also never want to hinder the process of learning by giving them only borrowed light, especially if it keeps them from developing within themselves a deeper understanding of divine truth.

I used to blame others for my situation. The choices they made or the choices they didn't make. I recognize now that no choice anyone else makes can influence me unless I choose to allow it to. I also found I always had the strength to move forward, had someone to talk to, counsel with. He knew how I felt, Had felt what I felt, had endured far greater trials than I ever did,and even more He knew me, truly knew me. There were times I felt completely alone, but in hindsight, it was my choice to be alone during those times.

One of the greatest gifts that any of us have in this life is the gift of agency. With that gift also comes basic laws of consequence. There are naturals laws; what goes up must come down.... etc. There are mans laws, although those seems to have some huge balance issues at times, and there are Gods laws. Gods laws are eternal. I believe with all of my heart in the Atonement of Christ, but I failed to, at first, recognize in the power of the atonement and it's power in helping me to accept the choices of others and allowing God to handle the consequences.

This is where I found the greatest peace. The more I have learned to focus on what God can do to make things right and less on what others are doing wrong, the more peace I have felt in my own life. I have also discovered that my ability to love and accept is also increased. This cannot be a conditional response to only some of the people in my life. I must have a universal response to all of Gods children regardless of their commitment to me.

What used to be a life focused on action, has become a life focused on reaction. Afterall the most important things in my life are the relationships I have with others. It has always been amazing to me how some people you can go years without seeing and yet there is this deep connection to them. I wonder if there isn't something more to those relationships, something ethereal?

Life has become a bit of a simple process to me. The more I fill my life with love the fuller my life seems to be. I crave simplicity. I have always had an immense passion for nature and am constantly pulled to be a part of it.

Even as I am writing this post, I glance often out my window to look at the immense pine trees that grace the horizon. My children were laughing at me as I started to gasp
"A black fox! a black fox, up on the porch come and see, a black fox"!
They know it is just me and another passionate expression of an amazing discovery that I want to share with them even if only for a moment. They laugh at me, and feel for a moment too long that the television show they are watching is far more important than the black fox that is now scampering through the bent piece of fence at the top of the yard. and I cry a little inside because they still don't quite get why it is so important to me that I share it with them. But then when they see something for the first time and I see their eyes widen, it makes pulling them to the window all worth while.

Today the Fox escaped their view behind a pine and up the hill. Three of them return to the couch but I noticed my son Joshua slipped out the back door and begins climbing through the back scrub oak on his own. He is curious and perhaps he can catch a glimpse from another vantage point. Oh how my heart rejoices to see him look for himself. I realize as he walks off on his own, that there are times it just makes sense to do that, to walk alone, to learn the true nature of who we are and to learn to rely upon our divine creator. To understand a greater purpose, and our place in it.

Life is beautiful